Crippling Anxiety

Welcome to this is youth. I’ve gotten a lot of flak- friendly ribbing, let’s say- from my friends for the name, which has been my handle on social media sites more or less since I started living life, in college.

I hope to one day publish a book of essays under the name, if I ever get over the crippling anxiety of honestly putting myself out there.

Today, anxiety is youth.

Anxiety is the defining characteristic of my generation.

It lies under everything we do.

 Anxiety is what leads me to click the Vice News window open under this Word doc, and to click “Careers” because I’m afraid that what I have to say isn’t as important as saying what someone else wants me to say.

Anxiety is what leads me to the mountains, to nature. In nature, the world seems simpler. Things are quiet, and slow. Nothing nags at the back of your mind; there are no push notifications or unread emails in nature.

Of course, this isn’t exactly true. Technology does push into nature. I’ve Instagrammed from the top of a 14,000 foot mountain, and I still get disappointed every time I lose cell phone service on a backwoods road. It’s 2014 after all, how do we not have cell service everywhere?!

And as a young person, this is my conundrum. I both rely on the networked world, and am repulsed by it. I struggle to find a middle ground- any ground- to stand on. At any time I fear I could go toppling off the edge of the abyss.

This is youth. It’s confusing, but then again it’s probably always been that way.

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